Five Centuries
by Astrophel Thracius
Summary: I have gone for hundreds of years and yet in my heart I still hope that you hold me in yours. Oh, my love please tell me that this poor hanyou's hope are not in vain! May add chapters if i ever feel like it


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters that I used…I borrowed them? I guess…..

I wandered for so long….no path, no destination, no companion….I had nothing. I had nothing but the thought of you, your smile, your soft laugh, your loving voice and even your harsh yet mysteriously caring comments. As I walked in that godforsaken path all I thought about was you, all I wanted was to find you and see you once more. I wanted to ask...no, beg for your forgiveness. I left you…I left you all alone, without as much as a goodbye, I left you hanging in the air. I hoped that you would get angry at me, that you would not forgive me. I did that wishing that you wouldn't forget me… I didn't think of the possibility that it would hurt you. I just…I just didn't want to be forgotten, to be just another passing face for you.

I know that demons could very well live forever and the thought of you forgetting me left an unpleasant thought in my mind. Even though my death was near at that time I-I couldn't bring myself to settle for the thought of being forgotten. And so I did what I could, I disappeared together with the nights that we shared, left no trace that I had been there, with the exception of that dainty little house. The house where we reared our love together, I couldn't bring myself to destroy it. It was too precious, it was where we gave our marks to each other. I thought that maybe someday we can be in that house again, together. And so I left, bringing nothing but the hope that you would loathe me, curse me for eternity. I truly wished that you would not forget this wretched hanyou; even at the cost of being the one you harbor ill thoughts of.

I held in my heart a hope; a hope that you would forgive me someday if we ever meet again. The years that passed after that were pure torture. They were filled with pain. I was sick, dying even. Every bone in my body creaked dangerously, my youki dwindling and spiking up into unfathomable strength, consistently choking on my own blood. Every single day I hoped that it would end, that it would miraculously go away. But it didn't, for years I had stayed in the forest of nothingness where only death is felt. I laid there crying for someone to hold my hand and take me away from here, from the sickness that threatens to kill me, from the sickness that forced me to leave you. If nobody can take me away then please, I beg of you. Kill me, end my suffering. The same thought played in my mind, over and over again. The days blended into the nights, I gradually stopped counting time and I just stayed there. I never felt the need for food, water or anything related to life. I never needed any basic needs that a living person would need. "Why?" I thought and then it came to me, I was in the crossroads of death and life so why would I need them? That place was like the road of death, there was nothing to prove that I was alive. Almost nothing, just one thing and it was you, the memories that we had, the warmth that my heart feels whenever I thought of you…just..that.

Years, decades and maybe centuries of horrid agony, deep sadness, and the longing to meet you gone by and one day a man came to me, he resembled you. He was a being with ethereal beauty and yet you would certainly leave him in the dust. He held his and out to me and gave me an hourglass, I didn't know what it was for, what it symbolized, if it even means anything but the next thing I knew I was in the middle of the busy streets of the modern world. Everything looked distantly familiar and I realized that it was the time where kagome lives. Five hundred years into the future and I started my journey to find you. I started in Tokyo, soon I had been through all of Japan. I worked as I moved, I was a novelist. I wrote thinking about our passion, love, trust and betrayal. Maybe I hoped to let others know of them but ultimately I hoped that you would read my novels and feel my regret, forgive me even a little.

I continued to search for you from city by city, country by country and continent by continent. Then one faithful day I found you, your face was on the front page of a newspaper and just then did I learn that you were a business tycoon. I berated myself for my stupidity; I knew that my brain wasn't that great but how could I have missed that? I read through the paper and I couldn't help but betrayed as I finished doing so. You were getting married; at least that's what the paper said so, but there's no smoke where there's no fire right? I knew that I had no right to feel betrayed for I was the one who left you but I couldn't help it. Questions ran through my mind, 'how many times have you been married?', 'how many men, women, humans or demons have you held?'….but one stood out most 'Do you still love me?'. I had no right; I hold no hold onto you. I couldn't do anything because I've had my chance and I wasted it. This one woman would surely make any being happy and that is something that you deserve; Happiness. I would make sure that you'll get it even if it won't be me, even if it kills me.

And so I continued my journey, this time I physically had a destination but my heart…my heart is still lost. It is still lost in the myriad of emotions, begging to know if I'm still the one who holds your heart, if you even want to see me. Oh, my brother! Have you forgotten me? I want you to be happy, I want to be the one that make you so and yet I can't be that being. I am officially just another hanyou that you've had the misfortune of meeting. I became that creature when you loved another, that another being kagome; my best friend. She would not let you harbor ill feelings towards another; that much I knew. As such, you are bound to forget me if you haven't already. Maybe I was thankful to her, maybe I held a grudge for her or maybe I just wanted a person to blame if you really have forgotten me. Maybe, maybe, and maybe; I had no answer other than maybe and it vexed me to no end.

I travelled miles and miles to get to you; then when I was just kilometers from your mansion I suddenly felt a wave of uncertainty wash over me. I didn't want to be there yet, I didn't want my foolish hope of being remembered end. I wanted the bitter truth remain distant so I got off the bus and decided to walk, I would be there…eventually but right now I would let my pitiful hanyou self cling onto the last piece of hope until it's gone.

Hours passed as I drew nearer to the mansion and I felt a sense of déjà vu. This place, this place had the same aura as you; pristine, calm, silent and dominating but it had a tiny bit of kagome's personality too. It seemed as if the place was welcoming and it made me cry. I fell on my knees and wept, I shed my tears for the time that we could've spent together, for the days that I could've been in your warm embrace, for the words that we could've said to each other. I mourned for our love that seemed to end so soon, for the future that would never come, I cried for my hope that was shattered into pieces, but life goes on for you. It has to go on because I wouldn't want you to feel like I do right now. Only now did I realize how horrible I've been to leave you. If this was how you felt when I did then I would grovel at your feet and beg for your forgiveness. I would, because what I feel at this time was enough to make me wish that I had died in that hell.

Now I know what I should do, and this time I will do it right. This time I will see to it that your happiness would last. It may not be enough to suffice for my sin but it was the only thing I could do. I pulled the hourglass out of my pocket and I saw that only a fourth was left, if it symbolized my life then I had no time to grieve, I had things to do and I will damn well make sure I would finish them. So I leapt through a gap in the wall surrounding the mansion and stealthily crept in. I sure as hell never thought I would have done this in the past, what with my dynamic entrance and I would've laughed at the irony of it all. Except, now was not a good time. I jumped up a branch of tree as I approached the flowery garden and hid my scent. This much I knew how to do. I saw two people there, you and kagome. The two of you just sat there with an air of camaraderie, it was quite a feat since it's you and a human. Your face was occasionally graced with a small smile and even though I didn't hear and would never know what the two of you are talking about, at least it was pleasant enough to make you smile. And seeing those simple events were enough to convince me that you would be happy, why did I even have a doubt? It is kagome, the girl who leapt through time and back and helped me. She helped me, a pathetic half demon who always insulted her. She would give you the love that you deserve and that knowledge gave me relief and anguish.

I saw you as he got up and hugged her; I felt my heart shatter and I felt my very soul screaming in woe. I felt the unshed tears brimming in my eyes and I turned to leave but found myself planted into that tree. The smile on your face, the love that radiated from you, I couldn't turn away from it so I sat there, silently watching over of you and her. I tried, oh how I tried to will away my selfish desire to be the one there and to be happy for them but I couldn't. Hours passed, the lights illuminated the garden beautifully and the two of you stayed there; just talking and smiling at random moments. I stayed still the whole time, feeling my distress and happiness slowly be overcome by tiredness. I was too tired to be sad, to be happy...simply too tired to feel. And so I stopped doing so, I just watched over you two.

I suddenly felt my youki dwindle and I took the hourglass from my pocket and once again I despaired. There was almost no sand in there, maybe an hour or two and my life would end. I looked at the two beings that stood in the clearing, I could reach out and touch you without much effort and yet you were so distant. I-I wanted to do one last thing for you, so I brought my hands up and cast a spell, one that I learned in my aimless wandering. I collected the souls that stayed in your place and from them softly glowing lights were emitted, creating a romantic atmosphere the two lovers.

' This might not be much my brother but this is what I can give. I hope you forgive me my love, I hope you do. I love you, I sincerely hope you find the happiness that I couldn't give you. I truly love you with all my heart'

I glanced at the glass and looked at them once more, both of you were fascinated by the lights. You were wrapped in her embrace and her in yours. You were in her embrace while I stand here; alone and in despair. But happy, happy for the two of you and that is enough. I felt my energy leaving me and I knew I had to go. To make sure that no one won't find me. Once again I will leave you but this time you are surely happy. And this time I won't mess up.

I ran halfway through the forest of trees then I found my youki fluctuating, I didn't have enough. I cursed all beings as I felt my feet stop. I couldn't run, I couldn't move but I willed myself to do so. My legs felt like heavy weights but I have to go, I have to leave. If I don't then surely I will bring more misery to you, and that thought fueled my aching body and my distressed heart. My vision faded and I felt..nothing.

Its exams and hell yeah I am not studying XD just kidding I had to relieve stress so I wrote a one-shot.

R&R exam's on for 5 days my angst mode would go on accordingly; so spill if you want continuations or requests from this crappy writer :P I might write it.

**Crappy writing..i know people, feel free to correct some stuff like the pronoun shifts or the use of had ans has. Go ahead and put it on your reviews, I need to learn -.-"**


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